Pondering
by Feta Tsukino
Summary: Thinking about life from her marriage to now and all the things in between.


Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball Z.

Author's Note: I know the spacing is off. I've tried to fix it.

* * *

Nighttime always came too quickly for ChiChi. Daylight had a way of just passing and fading into moonlight. Its almost as if she blinked the sun had disappeared before her very eyes. She was growing very tired of monotony. She'd get up alone, eat breakfast by herself, and go about her business as usual. There was only so much laundry that could be washed. How much could she dust? All the furniture and dishes were already clean. Gohan's bed stayed untouched. Nothing was out of place. The whole place basically felt unlived in. Nothing about the house said a family actually stayed here. Pictures didn't exactly tell a tale of happiness or togetherness. They were just a pointless decoration she saw from her kitchen table.

 _What else can I do? No one but my father comes by to see me. I'm the only one who needs looking after, and I'm not even putting effort into it. Why should I? I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I have no one too see. I have more than enough fo_ _od now that I don't have to feed two people who eat like they never will again. There's just no purpose in it. Who sees me but me? I can compliment myself all I desire, even if I feel unattractive and worthless_ _._

That wasn't far from the truth. The raven haired woman barely ate anything. She had no appetite as of late. Not that it made a bit of difference. She had no one around to look after or anyone to look after. The times her father came to visit were the occasion she'd actually cook. ChiChi didn't bother aside from those far and few moments. Her healthy complexion had turned pale. The once vibrant, shiny hair had lost its luster. The Ox princess had let herself go.

 _My youth has left me. My own husband doesn't even want to be around me. Gohan rather follow in his father's footsteps than study and be home with his mother. He chooses to be a delinquent like the rest of them. How do I compete with that? This house I try to keep doesn't compare to their thirst to train. Neither of them want a stable environment. All they crave is action. The thrill of the fight is more important than me._

The more ChiChi thought about it the more depressed she became. Sitting in an empty house gave way to ideas. The kind that ushered in a crippling sadness. The intense loneliness became much more magnified. So many scenarios played out in her mind. A lonely woman who didn't have much to lose had the right to fantasize. Not much else occupied her these days.

 _Would it even make an impression if I ceased to exist? I'm nothing more than Goku's wife and Gohan's mother. Surely I'm expendable. I have no friends. My father is the only one who even checks in on me. If I just walked away, who would know?_ _Or maybe if I immerse myself in the water out back, I can go liked that. None would be the wiser. It could absolutely come off as an accident. "Oh, ChiChi, slipped!" Hm, how easily I could fool them. "Who would do such a thing? Its dangerous out here for a woman."_ _The possibilities were endless. All of them wouldn't suspect an intentional drowning._

She jolted out of her seat then. These fantasies were becoming more frequent. At first they frightened her, but the fantasies were becoming quite common. What else could she do but get lost in thought. Who was there for her to speak to? Having conversations with herself wasn't exactly her idea of fun. Reading every book in the house multiple times didn't do any good. Words and phrases blurred together. The pages all became one giant blob of ink to her eyes. Nothing else worked for her.

 _I suppose sleep would help. Ha! Sleep doesn't do a thing for me. I either have dreams that my boys are back with me just to wake up with my hopes dashed. I absolutely hate the emptiness that follows not too far behind. I'm not trying to welcome anymore heartache into my life. I have more than I ever bargained for. Or I see myself taking matters into my own hands killing Goku myself. Now that is funny. Goku defeated by his wife. The headlines would be priceless. Its not like his friends have committed themselves to a woman the way he fools don't have a clue. Stupid idiots._

A genuine smile graced her lips. It felt good to have something comical to think about. Morbid fantasies weren't her cup of tea, but it was easy to drift in that direction. Pain radiated off of her in waves. If anyone took the time to ask her, they'd hear nothing but sadness in her voice. The broken tone of a once strong woman evident enough. This is what she was reduced to. Crying and worrying had made her sick. That explained her loss of appetite and increasing lethargy. This was getting to be too much to handle.

 _Was my happy ending too much to ask for? Shouldn't I expect to have a nice life with my husband and child? I mean I have the man of my dreams. We built a home and started a family, but it didn't turn out that way. I'm just tired of being left out! Goku's living his life without me. Why does he continually stay away? We love each other, but he doesn't show it. I know just how he feels about me. The problem is that fact offers no sort of comfort. Love is what keeps me here, but it also hurts how great my love is for him. When I entertain things like ending my life, it scares me. I also feel less than. That which scares me is oddly comforting. I crave something different than what is. I did get what I wanted on the surface. What lies beneath is another story. I endure simply because of the choice I made. I'm not a quitter. This union is for better or worse. I'm holding out for the better that I know will come. I believe someday I'll have my entire life back on track. Goku, Gohan, and ChiChi. We're the Son family._

With a renewed sense of security, ChiChi dried her eyes and got up from the table. This life was hers to live. She had two people who were her world to be there for. This was just a rough patch for her. Everybody had something to deal with themselves, and this wasn't going to keep this woman down. ChiChi is a fighter in her own right. She doesn't ever give up on anything, especially when it came to her own well-being. She had an example to set for her son. Many things had yet to happen the trio. Experiences were just waiting to be had, and she'd be damned if she missed out. ChiChi was no weakling that gave up when things were tough. Tomorrow was another chance to gain more strength. She wasn't backing down for anything. ChiChi knew this night would bring sweet dreams to her fractured heart.


End file.
